Days like these.

It's days like these that make me think of summer. Now it's winter, but the sun still shines on everyone. Even on me, though I find it hard to believe. It's days when I can walk down the neat suburbs with friends and laugh at how we have no idea where we'll end up that coming night. These days remind me of the holidays, when you couldn't base yourself on school to see everyone in your life. You had to construct it all, and only you were the true master of how you would spend those holidays.
I'm at the same stage, and that is why I feel like that on days like these. I have to construct it all over again. I tell everyone I'm over you. I most probably am, but the remnants of our relationship still burn bright in my soul. But the remnants have gone cold. I've been procrastinating and shooting myself in the foot for a while. Meanwhile you're finally truthful to yourself, and I am rendered tame, and I cannot say anything about the way you're living your life.

It's days like these that edge me closer to darkness. It's sunny outside, but hospital walls block out the sun completely. Life seems to be at an agonizing stop inbetween these 4 walls. It's blistering. Survival seems to be the option here. Sad faces are ever-present, and if you catch a glimpse of happiness, it will also be shaded by fakeness and good social manners. I see you in many people here. You seem to be everywhere, except for where you're supposed to be. We haven't spoken for real in ages. I want to stop missing you as soon as possible. But first I must get better. However, I am not sick. I am healthy on the outside, but I feel just as diseased as the real patients.
Why can't I move outside into the sunlight?

It's days like these that shape sadness and force me back into myself. Why did things have to change? For once, I was living life as it was meant to be lived. Without sadness. Without worry. Without this fucking website. And with you.
I guess my conscience tied itself in a knot. I just want to enjoy the sunlit streets I'm walking down with my friends. I'm not walking down the street to happiness, just the street that goes forward. I might be wrong.
Why aren't things the same? Now, sadness surrounds all and absorbs all. Even if I consider happiness, it'll be with something that I don't have anymore. You can guess what that something is.

Days like these would make anyone feel lonely, even though they are surrounded by people who love them. It's a different kind of loneliness. It's the loneliness that reaches inside you to grasp whatever hope of mirth you ever had. It's the kind that points at what you've lost and constantly reminds you of your happy past, and how much better it was then. It's the kind that reminds you a countless number of times that things will not get better for a while. It's the loneliness that you can only feel if you are trapped between 4 walls or enjoying the sunshine when nobody else is. It's the loneliness that reminds you of your innocent childhood joy and energy, and then suddenly obliviates you of it. It's the loneliness that tethers you to the hard sting of reality, and days like these.