The agonizing act of making a decision.

A lot of people like to ask...wait let me rephrase that.

A lot of people like to pressurize us about the choice of our future lifestyle. Especially us, adolescents. And for anyone who happens to be reading this who isn't a teenager, don't deny that you've been through the same thing.

Well, we're at the turning point. We've slowly left behind the simple decisions of childhood and are slowly moving towards the dizzying array of choices and decisions that makes up adulthood. But we're in neither place yet. And so all those bizarre thoughts echo through our minds. They can be optimistic, pessimistic, realistic or can simply make no sense at all.

A countless number of people pressurize us to fall into the majority, because it's easier. And, something else that's wrong, is that if you go along with the majority you will succeed. It's not going with the crowd that leads to oblivion. It should be the other way around.

But who ever dreamt of a perfect world? Except for Jesus of course.
But who's ever dreamt of Jesus? Religious people.
Okay then has anyone rational ever dreamt of Jesus? No.
There you have it. Pretty simple really.

Oh and to all you religious folks that read my blog (well I'm surprised you can even stand it since I slate you so much), don't say that calling you irrational is an insult. If you were rational, religion wouldn't even exist.

Although I don't blame Jesus. Actually quite an innovative dude. It's that so many people argue about the colour of his beard or the size of his...anyway back to the point.

So I was saying that the world leaves you with a paradoxal choice (that appears very rational and sensible to many of you fucked, faceless freaks that fell into the majority right when you were born).
But the choice is so paradoxal, and in essence so ridiculous, that you end up accepting it and appreciating it.

I mean, I'm sure many people that are deeply buried in the world's rules and laws could've been the craziest, most pro-anarchy and free teenagers that ever lived.

I think that's when you are really yourself. You don't get mature when you're older, you just learn how to act in public. (Who said that? I really can't remember.)

Life breaks your fantastic stride of perfect and utter self-righteousness. And life teaches you not to act just with your core and what you believe in. It teaches you to build a wall around yourself and to paint that wall a nice little colour you can show to the world.

You shits, those walls have ruined our lives.

I honestly don't know what lifestyle I wish to have, or what lifestyle I can aspire to.
I could have the potential to live like fucking Bill Gates owning hundreds of fucking mansions across the world and drowning in my own goddamn fortune.
I could have the determination and the malice to live like Obama, and control nations that I've never really believed in from the start.
I could have the talent to become a famous actor or famous musician.

But I don't really want any of those things. I want to live the life I want to live. Whether or not that's accompanied by intoxicants or days of looking for a fucking job.

I know that's not sensible. But I want to live with my friends and family. Play music in my band. Go out all the time.
That's probably what will happen in the few years to come as I reach the end of the inbetween period.

But I know that I will stupidly fall in love and then have to support a family. I know that I will resort to getting into a decent university just to survive.
I mean, that isn't a bad lifestyle. No. Especially if I'm in love.

But none of us have the will power to stand up and live life like a part of a dream.
Those who do have had their plan thwarted and their pride destroyed. And they are now struggling to fall back into the majority, having missed the free pass they were given at the end of adolescence.

I shudder at the thought of any of those outcomes.
I want time to stand still.
I hate certain types of change.

I really don't want to have to betray the ideas that I put down on this site.
I don't know if I will.
I don't know if I'll fall inertly into the sickening majority.
I don't know if I won't, and then if I'll try desperately to fall inertly into it anyway.

I really don't know anything. Not until the turning point comes.