Something in the air.

Something in that smell that reminds of the times when life wasn't so great and so extreme. I haven't left these 4 walls all day. The paranoia isn't lessening. Something in my fatigue that reminds me of back then. I don't want to go back at all, but my mind is driving me there. I'm not really helping myself. Something's been wrong for quite a while now. I'm becoming two distinct people, both behaving in distinct ways for two very distinct crowds of people. The lie seems to be floating in the background, but it will creep up on me eventually, and I will have to come to terms with my alter ego.

Something in that joint that reminds me of the time when I was innocent. It seems like I should go back to being sensible and innocent, since I've realised the danger of my habits. But no, I just don't want to, because I daren't turn back. I have to keep moving forward, and shit days like these don't help, and therefore cause me to turn to this fucking website and gargle all these densely layered words of despair. I'm not helping myself. I'm just half way through the tunnel. Going back or carrying on is now just the same to me. Why the fuck do I even think there's a tunnel? I've always been underground anyway.

Something in those words you said when you turned me down today. I was looking forward to seeing you, but for the first time in a while, you said you couldn't. And I could probably detect a hint of a lie in your excuse, but I couldn't tell you. I knew you really wanted to see me, but something bigger was keeping you from doing that. I have no idea what it is. I have no idea what has been going through your head ever since our stumble. I've just given up on that. I want the upper hand this time, you can't jerk people around like you did and expect them to come back. I did. I was wrong.

Something in the endoctrination of the world today. People basing their lives on erroneous facts and imaginary guardians. Everyone seems to be controlable. Everything seems to be dead. Everything I want to improve is untouchable, unbreakable, unmovable, unchangeable. I seem to be a chess piece that cannot take down the king. I've always tried to go against the run of society, but I can't. It seems like going with society, and then documenting how it fucking sucks is a lot easier. You can call me a coward, a hypocrit or whatever the fuck you want. I'm doing it to avoid a mental breakdown, not to please your fucking guilty conscience.

Something in the light that shines on my face as I try to cleanse it of all the lies and things I've done wrong. I can't seem to grasp the tip of what I want to change in me, but I know that the two parts that make my personality up are arguing whether the change is a good thing or not. This conflict inside my very being is most certainly the cause of this dazzling array of depressing thoughts. It might not, I've always turned to the dark side of things anyway. The world hasn't seen my face for a day, and I seem to be grateful for it, even though the stains won't have washed off tomorrow. I might not appear troubled as I look at myself in the mirror with the light. Light won't show you everything. It makes the surface brighter, but it doesn't lighten up the darkness beneath.

Something in the air is very wrong. I'm tired of pretending to be happy.

Let's All Make Believe
by Oasis

Is anyone here prepared to say
Just what they mean or is it too late?
For anyone here to try to do
Just what it takes to get through to you

So let's all make believe
That we're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we gonna need each other

Strangle my hope and make me pray
To a god I've never seen but who I betray
To the people who live the afterlife
In the place I'll never be 'til I'm crucified

So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other

So let's all make believe
That all mankind is gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old.