Trust is fucked up. Trust is a stupid word anyway.
Who ever said anyone needed trust? If we'd all just stayed monkeys with that same simple formula: "Birth. Hunt. Feed. Mate. Death." we wouldn't want trust. We wouldn't know of trust.
I put my trust in certain people. In other people, I find the corridor too dark to throw a mousetrap into. Some people disappoint me, they throw back the trust in the form of pure dislike. Everyone has those people in their lives. You like them and appreciate their presence. So do they, but that doesn't mean they trust you, or that they think you should trust them. Trust has nothing to do with that. Trust is a complicated minefield that stretches out in the spaces between people.
When you trust someone, you give them that possibility to access that part of you, that inner scar that makes me itch every time I see a show defending something I don't agree with, every time I talk to people I find capable of persuading me to eat at a mexican restaurant, only to find that they knew I hated mexican food.
Trust barges in when you find the need to share something with an exterior being, because you think it's better for you. Only when you trust people, you're obliged to lie. Because that's what trust is. You can confide in someone, show them you trust them, and not tell them the whole truth...you can tell them the truth in a way that conveniences you, so that it gives some value to your friendship with the person, but not too personal so that you don't sell yourself to them.
That's what trust should mean.
Even that doesn't mean much.
But it's not that simple, when you make your way to those pointless sociology and individual help classes that you are forced to take. They tell you a bunch of bullshit about "talking to people" and "Confiding in people is easy! That's how you get out of shit creek when you're down."
That's lies. You're supposed to trust those specially trained "teachers" and they actually say "It's so easy" to be open. "It's so easy" to get better.
It's not "so easy". Simply because men didn't stay monkeys. We evolved. Got ourselves some brains. A mind. And it's that particular intelligence that makes you wonder all the dangerous things that people wonder...like "Do I really trust myself?".
Once that thought has stopped by at one of the rest areas in the motorway of your mind. You're stuck with it for a while.
You wonder if you really are telling yourself everything. You wonder if, your mind is just playing tricks on itself and forcing you to lie to yourself. To do things that other, reasonable, part of you won't do.
You're a different person when you're around different people. You could do things with your friends that you would never do at a family dinner, because you can shut down that reasonable part of yourself and...move along. Like any animal in need of fun would do.
It makes you wonder that if you're too lazy to clean your room, comb your hair or stop your best friend from breaking his spine. Can you trust yourself?
Because the basic human being doesn't know of trust. He just feels he has to survive without anyones help.
Alone.
That's all he's there to do. He's been put on a world he hardly knows, for a purpose he isn't aware of, and he must avoid the dead, and survive, until the day he joins them.
But again, we've evolved. Sadly, now every teenager can think for himself. Wonder, if he (or she) really should trust himself, and by listening to all the mainstream bullshit on the TV, radio, or in certain "sacred" buildings, he ends up trusting himself. But that trust isn't sincere.
So that teenager thinks he does. He thinks he's fine, just going along, fitting in with the system he was born in to.
So he thinks he can broadcast that trust to the other teenagers he's around. Because we think we're nice.
But that trust was never there.
There's still that spider crawling in the back of all our heads telling us that we're asking too many questions, that trust is a mirage. A clot that imprisons us in our own minds.
That trust is never there. We create that trust, and pass it on to others. It makes us think we can trust others, that they are all about the peace, and the brotherhood.
It makes us believe that all those religious things that they teach us, "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth etc.". They tell us that a crime can be fixed by another crime, that this is trust that we should all behold and live in peace with (while respecting and honouring an imaginary ghost somewhere in the sky). I respect people's faith, I have great admirations of certain people that have faith, but I can honestly tell you that Gandhi was right all along: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Yes. We are all blind.
We're blinded by what the world has carved us out to be. We're blinded by that little asshole called society. We're blinded by ethical laws telling us how we should be. We're blinded by our "leaders", by our social systems...
Is that what you can call trusting yourself?
No, my friends, trust does not exist. Trust could exist, but it never saw the light of day. The light of our days.
So we're trusting the shadow of trust.
I don't trust myself. That's how I've managed to put this message forward to you.
Don't trust. Just live, love, and enjoy it while you can.
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