Sleeping awake, living asleep.

I slept. My first perfect night in a while. You know that kind of night that makes you feel alive and limber in the morning.
Where you can't detect that frontier between the dying hours of night and the opening bliss of dreamworld.

Dreamworld is a mysterious place. It separates the days that pull our life together, and grind our life forwards, no matter how hard you try to bring back the past. We've all ventured into it.
Some of us remember our stay perfectly, and can proudly announce the content of our dream to our friends in the morning.
Others remember a few weird details, and can proudly announce them to their friends in the morning.
And some others don't remember. They can just remember the fall. That nauseous sensation of skydiving into nothingness. I feel it.
Maybe our brain doesn't want us to know the crazy things that happen there. Because it might affect us. Change the person we are during the day.

Because there are no limits in dreams. Your mind is able to take a break, and separate itself from your body. It can just drool away at wonders it couldn't access with you awake. Because if it could, your integrity and ethnicity would be given a lifeline, and you wouldn't survive in the world.

Because in real life, there are limits. You've got to stick to whatever is planned out for you. At work, at school, at home.
Even when you go on holiday. When you deliberately try to move away from your usual surroundings, to get something new pouring over your eyes and ears, while remaining unfazed.

You live your life asleep. We live our lives asleep. We do things so automatically that everything becomes meaningless. The routine is agonizingly monotone. You barely use your human capacities. Those things you can do. But that the world you live in will tolerate, but dissuade you from. Saying that they would rather you didn't. Which is a polite way of saying: "If you do this, you're in shitland."

Single men or women, who have nothing to come home to, who try not to fade away into their own self-righteous misery, live asleep. Even people who do have something to come home to, live asleep.
We all do.

We just let things pass. Trying to achieve the minimum. Ignoring what doesn't concern us. Because you can't fit all of that into one day. Or into two, since days are separated by nights.
And by night, when your mind is given a free pass around the island that is your brain, you feel alive. It's then that everyone is truly awake.

Whether we feel shame after it, is defined by the fact that some of us remember, some of us don't, and others choose not to.
That is the only time when you can truly keep yourself company. Because time doesn't exist. Colors, shades, objects, walls, matter itself, blend together and mix. And your mind likes to experiment with that, just for the thrill of it. That unknown sensation when you are your daily self.

That daily self, that can contain what it's really thinking. Contain what it really feels.

I don't expect the day will come when we will not live our lives asleep. We're in too deep in what we've built. We can't back up the tunnel now.

So I slept. It was a good night. I don't remember anything. Just an endless freefall. I'm pretty sure I did many adventurous things. My mind chose not to keep them. It actually intercepted that thought before I could get to the mail box. But I don't want to get to the mail box. Because I know that my daily self is very different from my mind in its entire purity. When it isn't intoxicated by my surroundings.

But I can't help that. I'm forced to be too busy during the day.
So I keep the bliss of dreamworld away.
Just for now.