People surround me, although I try not to surround them. If I've ever felt like someone thought I was annoying them, I would probably just back down and not talk to them for a while. Some people I've known for a very short time but seem to know them off by heart. Some people I've known all my life and I still can't see through them.
Days went by years ago when I spent my time with the son of a pharmacist, that I still know today, and other people from an old school that seems too far away. All I care to remember is that they were great people.
Now, I spend my time alternating hanging out with my wonderful girlfriend, or with members of my band: a tall black dude with all the right words to say, a jewish guy with old school style glasses and a wicked sense of humour and a blunt blonde guy that knows all the angles of our society. My other twisted friends include a guy who has hair like the top of a mushroom, a hyperactive girl with a passed obsession with the Jonas Brothers, a guy who lives for handball, a girl I call by the name of a famous Indian spicy sauce, the next LeBron James, a chick I spend endless amounts of time talking to (albeit not consecutive) and many others that would make the list too long.
You see, I am far from alone. Yet when my music plays loudly in my ears and I stare into nothingness, I can't help but feel a need to run to the shore, a clifftop, a vast cornfield, somewhere.
People will tell you it's teenage angst. Fuck that. You're living your life inside your young mind. Sure, you don't know the world. Sure, you haven't seen all the dying kids in Africa and you haven't seen the freezing homeless people in Mongolia. You haven't seen the poor people dying of AIDS in South America.
You probably haven't even seen the end of your own street, if you are that shallow.
You live inside a small world. You react to it in a big way.
That's the law of nature, you can't just...contradict it and start living like an adult. Even though you so badly want to.
I'm aware of this. Maybe that's why I think too much. I've seen so much of the world in books, television and shitty side streets where people live in supermarket trolleys.
I'm not saying that I've seen a lot of shit. I haven't. I just know it's there. So I think: whatever path I take, it will lead me to something I already know.
"Knowing" the future isn't a good thing, I know I'm gonna grow up, finish secondary school, move to some place to go to university, start a family and work for the rest of my life.
There is no other path that leads to that safety. It's only because I know this that I'm able to write down this messed up thought. "Teenage angst" is nothing, just something people tell you exists so that you will think about it and grow up to be another "normal" adult...or a tramp living in a supermarket trolley...
Later. Peace.
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