Throwing microwaves at nutritionists.

Well, I just got back from a journey to Madrid. I was stuck there because of the intrepid volcano ash filling the sky. I don't think I have ever been that frustrated, that close to implode, and it made me wonder...
What would happen if we couldn't keep things to ourselves? What would happen if all those random words that cross everyone's head would just dive out in to the wild, reaking havoc on their way? What would the world be like if we just spoke what we felt?
I wish I knew.

Every day, I come home thinking I should've said something out loud, and wishing I hadn't said other things out loud. I always beg myself to consider my life with this blog and with the people I'm closest to, but my life is private property.

But wait.

Let's all spill the beans about everything that crossed our minds while trying to deal with the spaces between while trying to keep up with the ever-moving stampede of social cohesion.
Those feelings, that you can't put your finger on. Those feelings that make your conscience say "It's something like..." over and over again, but breaking up and watching the words rot away every time. Those feelings that haunt you, but only make sense when you just consider "knowing" them.
Pure and simple.
There's no need for words.
And those feelings, bitches that don't leave you alone unless you deal with them, treat them with some dignity and consideration, before letting them go as a different person (most of which most people don't do), are just a back-row light shining through your mind flawlessly reflecting the truth, but not reflecting it loud enough for you to realise and change, however perfect your ways may seem.
Just loud enough for you to feel...those fucking feelings.
People who ignore them shrug it off during their lives and get hit in the face once they've reached the final frontier and they're lying on their death bed.

It's those feelings that drove people like Galileo or Giordano Bruno to shout out what they thought. They, for example, thought the earth moved around the sun, and not the opposite, as the church "encouraged" people to believe.
Sometimes people feel those feelings and have that urgent need to burst, for the bettering of themselves and, they hope, for the bettering of the people around. But some people don't like that progress. Those people that will deny complete truth just to stay by the side of something that has made humans fight, hurt, kill, and love (albeit love in hypocrisy):

Faith.

Faith is a scary word. You can barely confront anyone about faith. Unless you have the same faith as them. It's already an awkward and socially sour situation when you don't believe in faith, and it's even worse when you have an "opposed" faith...or as the way things go, "rival" faith.
Because faith creates the need to compete, to prove (in whatever mischevous way) a point that is obscured and only exposed as far as it conveniences "faithful" people.

Faith made the church burn these innocent men at the stake. These men who had just seen the truth, on the top of a mountain, and had pushed through the thornbushes of lies and cliffs of monumental denial, to reach it. All they wanted was to climb down, and call an appeal to reason.
Only reason is also a scary word, and reason doesn't convenience everyone. Because reason has nothing to do with happiness, and even less with power. That's what the human being needs: power with enough happiness, however cheesy, to survive. For children it's easy, they're happy no matter what...until the turbulence of adolescence arrives and the darkness of reason grows.

We're tiny, ever so tiny, compared to reason. Some truth, hiding in our skies, that don't bear an open-minded limit...

And so after seeing all that the confrontations between religion and reason, between the people that clame that religion is reason and the people who clame that reason is simply reason, we decided to make religious and political views a taboo. Because that's the way that we solve problems, we don't extinguish them. We are that powerless in front of human destruction that we just shut the problems down and put them to sleep until another fateful day when they will reak havoc again.
"We are not prisoners of fate, only prisoners of our own minds" as Ben Franklin said. If we silence all of life's problems and conform with fake happiness, we will end up with a world like Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World". But here's my problem, and everybody's:

Now that I'm home, after all the twisted thougths that crawled over me, jumped onto me and stared me in the eyes while maddening boredom overcame me, I'm still glad to finally be in the small circle of comfort that surrounds me in the tiny space I occupy in life. So I feel I shouldn't disturb the massive monsters we have created, because I am powerless.
But I still feel that tiny shadow of guilt shining through the back row window, that's forcing me to write this article. I'm hitting those monsters in the face, like throwing spiders at an arachnophobe and throwing microwaves with pre-heated meat in them to a nutritionist.

But that guilt isn't strong enough. I'm just me and this motherfucking blog.
Because I, like everyone, am scared of reason and faith.
And the truth.

On the other side of the looking glass.

I've been doing this blog for what?...2 weeks now. At first, it was supposed to be a backdoor occupation to liberate what ever was going on in my mind about people around me. Things that have happened to me. Things that have happened to other people.

But it turned into a journal, documenting my point of view on the world. How small I am compared to it. How big I am compared to it.
It's funny, really. I didn't really see the change coming. Maybe I'm just deflecting on to subjects of the world because I don't want to talk about my personal life.
It's funny, really. Because there's nothing special or embarassing about my personal life. Maybe I deflect everything on to the world because I'm a part of it. I've shown you what I think of parts of us, humans. And parts of the world. Like time, sleep, happiness, style, trust, and differences and spaces between us.

This is the first article that I'm gonna finish in one go. Because I'm finding out that the rhythm is slowing down.

2 weeks ago I was really into this. Updating with a lengthy article every night.
And the next day I would turn back to my everyday life. Become that person I am everyday. He scares me. I don't even know who's me sometimes.

But I can tell you this: when I started writing articles about glitches of society, problems we all face, and strange emotions we uncontrollably feel, (and I feel strongly about everything I write down here), I became as honest as it gets.

And since I've started this blog, even though I'm sure not many people read it, things have got better.
I've started to realise that all this weight. This...anonymous roadblock inside of me, was being held up by all the points I supported, and everything I needed to shout out about this completely fucked world we live in.

But I can't say it's completely fucked up. I've never known anything else. No one's ever known anything else. And, even though not many people admit it, we should be happy with what we have.
And no, it isn't what "God" or anyone not on earth gave us.
We're here. Now. And it could be worse. Because we see worse, on the television, in books, on the radio, in school, everywhere. But we haven't really seen better, we can sense it, and it comes out to us in short periods called happiness.
But it's never truly come to us.

I've started to realise that, ever since I published "Happy accidents and peaceful riots.", my article about happiness a few days back.

The change seems quick. But I didn't see it coming.
I've written many articles. Things I never dreamed I would ever write about. And during that process. I changed. I was releasing everything through the words that are born here.
And here I am. Rambling on about what I've done since the creation of this blog. I'm happy with everything I've written. And it differs considerably from my first two articles, "This is pointless." and "Looking around."
Simply because since then, I've wanted to expose the world.
How different it looks at different times. Different days.

Some days, the rooms are so small. And you feel caged, unable to think or speak freely. On other days, the rooms are to large. And you feel marooned.
You can never win.

So now, I take life lightly. I take out all the twisted thoughts and worries on this blog. And I'm better.
So now, as I document things I see and the way they see me, remember that there's someone behind the looking glass.
Me.

The world isn't stable. If the world's in God's hands, then God's hands must be very shaky. I'm just here, rambling on what comes down on me. The raindrops of sadness, the overcast of doubt, the snow of redemption, and the sunshine that gives me a short period of that thing that keeps us all in place.
Unconditional happiness.